


the giggle at a funeral

by CommanderMollyOBrien



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Based on the lay of leithian's version of this part, F/M, Gen, I just like the idea that a super evil sorcerer and his super evil vampire herald, Listen mai and thuri are friends, M/M, Multi, Shapeshifting, Very Dark Comedy, Very dubcon kissing, are snarky bros who do each others makeup, mairon melkor and thuri being awful but in a funny way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28301247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMollyOBrien/pseuds/CommanderMollyOBrien
Summary: In which Gorlim the Unhappy betrays his people to Morgoth.Title from Take Me To Church by Hozier, because, c'mon, it's totally a Melkor/Mairon song.I love and appreciate all comments and kudos.
Relationships: Eilinel/Gorlim the Unhappy, Morgoth Bauglir | Melkor/Sauron | Mairon, Sauron | Mairon & Thuringwethil
Kudos: 20





	the giggle at a funeral

"Hey, Mai!" Thuringwethil landed in the forges, "You're going to love this!"

"More than I love not being interrupted while I'm working?" Mairon had the dignity to pretend to be irritated while he set down the sword he was making.

"You know that ranger you were trying, to," she exaggeratedly coughed, " _seduce,_ for information on Barahir?"

Mairon looked confused, "What about him?"

"One of our scouting parties brought him to Angband. Apparently he found them and asked to be taken here," she shrugged, "I think you broke his brain." 

Mairon shook his head, "He must really love his wife. He only even got a glimpse of me wearing her face."

"Men are dumb," Thuringwethil gestured to the doors, "They're bringing him to the throne room. Come on, we have to get dressed up. We can do each other's makeup."

"Your loyalty is commendable," Melkor purred, and the Man flinched, "For it, you will see your wife. Lieutenant, show the Man his wife."

"She is on her way," Mairon smiled with red-painted lips, "Close your eyes." 

After a moment, Gorlim felt soft lips brush against his. He opened his eyes, and there was Eilinel, looking aged and weary, but still radiant. 

He kissed her fiercely, indifferent to Melkor and Thuringwethil watching. She looked years younger when she laughed and kissed him back.

"My love, everything will be alright now. We can have a life together in peace," he told her, beaming. Gorlim thought it all had been worth it for this. 

She started to laugh then, and she didn't sound at all like herself. It was a very _cruel_ laugh.

Suddenly her face changed, revealing the Lieutenant's lovely, horrifying, burning eyes. 

He continued laughing madly, revealing curved fangs, but still spoke with _her_ voice, "Your face! Oh, I'm going to treasure that memory for the next century."

Gorlim was speechless, "You-"

Mairon rolled his eyes, "Your people have spent the last century calling me "the Deceiver" and you're surprised that I deceived you? You are the cause of this situation!"

Gorlim reached for some hidden weapon. Mairon flung a throwing dagger at him.

He collapsed instantly, blood pouring from his throat.

"I guess you'll get to see your wife after all," Mairon said with a shrug.

Mairon dissolved the illusion over his clothes as he shifted back into himself. 

"I almost wanted to see how far I could go with that," he pulled the knife out of Gorlim's throat, delicately picking up his skirts to keep from bloodying them, "He was pretty cute."

"You do know that I'm sitting right here?" Melkor said, amused.

"I know," Mairon grinned, lipstick smeared, "Want to punish me?"

"You know, _I'm_ standing right here!" Thuringwethil, who had previously been occupied with drinking Gorlim's blood, grumbled.

"We know!" they said at once. 


End file.
